


"I wish we'd never met."

by wintersoldierswhore



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Angst, Bucky Barnes Angst, Bucky Barnes-centric, F/M, James Bucky Barnes angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 03:08:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17133890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintersoldierswhore/pseuds/wintersoldierswhore
Summary: A messy breakup.





	"I wish we'd never met."

You wore a black dress and white sneakers to your date with Bucky. Grabbed your jean jacket and left the house. Being late was not your habit. He invited you to his house and promised to cook but his voice didn’t sound so cheerful. Something was off between you two lately so you thought he’d wanted a break or to make up. You didn’t expect him to break up with you over dinner. 

You knew what was coming before you saw him.

First, he didn’t greet you at the door, the door was ajar so you let yourself in with a wine. He didn’t pour himself one as he set the table. “I want to stay sober,” he said. He never wanted to stay sober. 

Next, he never tried to start a conversation. So you had to fill in the silence. God, you wanted to punch yourself but you just couldn’t stop talking.

“Y/N,” he began and reached to your hand. “We have to talk.”

Just like any sane person on earth, you knew that nothing would come out right after saying “We have to talk.” He was gonna do it for sure.

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately and I decided that I wanted something different. As a lifestyle. I feel like this is not enough for me anymore. I know that this will shock you but I want to break up. I’ll sell the apartment and start to travel.”

You choked on your wine. "And I’m stopping you from doing it so you are getting rid of me?” you asked. If he had said this before you wouldn’t even go on a date with him. You knew what happened to him, what did they do to him. He deserved everything he wanted but he made you feel guilty of not living enough.

“You are the reason I was staying in one place. I know that we can’t do long distance so this is the best way for both of us.”

“Do I even have a saying in this relationship? Bucky, you can’t decide what we can or can’t do. We decide what we do.”

He ran his hand in his hair, frustrated. “Y/N, please don’t make this harder than it already is,” he said. You couldn’t believe this was the man you’ve been dating for a year. This was the man who brought you soup at 3am when you had a break from your shift even though you never asked for it. 

“Look, I know that you are shocked and sad but I just want to live more. I want to explore. Wanna go all around the world, gain new skills, make some terrible mistakes and meet new people. The only thing stopping me was you. I want to break up.”

He was having a mid-life crisis at the age of 101. Late bloomer.

You got up from the chair. “I wish we’d never met,” you said. 

He looked at your face in shock. "You don’t mean that.” he grabbed your glass and started drinking your wine. “We have learned a lot from each other. We loved each other. Just because it ended doesn’t mean the journey was all terrible." 

He was speaking like some kind of an Instagram page. "You don’t know what I mean or don’t! You can’t fathom what I want or not. You can’t use past tense for my feelings when they are not even close to being past!” you threw your hands in the air. “I wish we’d never met,” you repeated. "Now I have to live with the fact that I know you, I touched you. I know that I will think about being with you, here, being safe and happy.” You choked on your tears. “Feeling loved." 

He hugged you. You felt disgusted by his touch. It was not out of love, it was out of pity. He patted your back as you stood like a doll in his hands, like a puppet. "Do you have any boxes?” you asked, wiping your nose with the back of your hand. You pushed him. “I want to take my stuff and leave.” He reached to hug you again and you stopped him with your hand. “Don’t touch me. If you ever touch me or look at me like I am some kind of a sick puppy, I’ll throw up." 

"We don’t have to break up like this." 

"You don’t get to choose how I want to be dumped.” you walked to his bedroom and started collecting your clothes. Two drawers of clothes, a perfume, toothbrush and a book by the bed lamp. A relationship for a year was not enough to fill one box. You grabbed the box and your jacket and left him sitting on the dinner table alone. “I hope it will be worth it James,” you said as you left his apartment. You’d never forget how lost he looked, sitting alone in a table for two.

"I hope you’ll find what you are searching for Bucky,“ you mumbled to yourself. 

And you never looked back.


End file.
